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Culture Shock Transcript
A list of all the messages that appear in Culture Shock Spoiler Warning:Plot or ending details follow Opening TELLTALE AND GAMETAP PRESENT SAM & MAX Written & designed by DAVID GROSSMAN BRENDAN Q. FERGUSON Art Director DAVID BOGAN Lead programmer RANDY TUDOR Music by JARED EMERSON-JOHNSON sam & max created by STEVE PURCELL CULTURE SHOCK (A bullet hole appears in the wall with a gunshot. Sam is at his desk with a gun, shooting at Max. He is standing with one foot on a bowling ball, balancing an apple on his head.) SAM: Quit moving around so much, bobblehead! MAX: When are we gonna get another case, Sam? Surely the local lawbreakers miss our esoteric brand of personalized criminal justice. SAM: Patience is a sharp razor to swallow, little buddy. Ok, don't scream this time. (The phone rings. Sam gasps.) MAX: Ah! I got it, I got it! Hello? (Max grabs for the phone, then realizes he isn't holding anything. The phone rings again. Sam picks up a note and reads it.) SAM: "Leave swiss cheese by the rat hole or you'll never see your precious phone alive again." Jiminy christmas eve in a padlocked sweatbox! Some misguidedly ballsy felon's napped our phone! MAX: Eerie-I just went cheese shopping! How did they know? (Jimmy Two-teeth emerges from his rathole.) JIMMY TWO-TEETH: Be sure it's swiss cheese, right? And be quick about it! SAM: Ordinarily I hate yielding to extortion, but I have to admit I'm half charmed by the sheer spunk of that oily little perp. Where'd you put the cheese, Max? MAX: Gosh, it was hours ago! You know I have the memory of a dried trout. SAM: Sadly, yes I do. Well, it's gotta be somewhere in this room... Game Saved The Office Max Start of the game: SAM: Hey, Max. MAX: What is it, Sam? *First Row: Where's that cheese? SAM: You sure you don't remember where you put that cheese, little buddy? MAX: Sheesh, you'd think I'd forgotten my pants or something. It's here in the office someplace. *Second Row: I wonder who called? SAM: Who do you think that was on the phone? MAX: Oo! Maybe it was the governor, calling about my plan to secede from the union! *Second Row: We need that phone! SAM: I wish we hadn't missed that call. It might have been the commissioner, calling with a case! MAX: Yeah! Or maybe it was the president, calling about my idea to do daylight savings time in five minute increments! *Second Row: I miss our phone. SAM: Oh I feel so all alone, because some crook has swiped our phone, rodent or rodents unknown... Where's my banjo, Max? MAX: I've hidden it for the good of society. (Second Row now disappears) *Third row: I'm feeling a chill SAM: Does it feel drafty in here to you? MAX: Hey, you're the one with clothes on. *Third row: I'm feeling philosophical SAM: Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we were bugs? MAX: Short, I hope. Although I've always wanted to have more arms! *Third Row: I've got a headache SAM: Some days I can feel the atmosphere pushing on my head like a giant thumb. MAX: Some days I hide weights in your hat to see if you notice. (Third row now repeats) *Fourth row: Let's get to work! SAM: Let's get to work! MAX: I couldn't agree more! Coatrack SAM: Where's the rest of the noose collection, Max? MAX: It's a surprise! Water cooler SAM: Hello, Mr. Spatula. How's the weather in there? If you use the big gun on it: SAM: I wouldn't want to hurt poor, defenseless Mr. Spatula. Office door Before you get the phone back: SAM: We'd really better not leave until we take care of this swiss cheese ransom-the-phone deal. After you get the phone back: (Sam exits to Office Street) Dartboard SAM: One of these days we're going to finish that game. MAX: I'm still working on getting the rest of the darts from the police impound. Waste basket (Sam tries to pull a card off. He fails.) SAM: No dice. Moon picture SAM: Remember our trip to the moon, Max? MAX: Like cottage cheese through a strainer, Sam. SAM: You continue to baffle me, little pal. Motorcycle picture SAM: Remember our motorcycle trip through the Midwest? MAX: Just you, me, and the authorities from seven states. But those were quieter times. Answering machine SAM: Nobody ever leaves us messages any more. Lush vegetation SAM: I think Hubert could use some water, Max. MAX: I'm training him to fetch it himself. Boxing glove SAM: (picking it up) This might come in "handy". Heh heh! MAX: (shakes head) Don't do that again. Open window (sends you to Open Window) Donut box SAM: Last month's donuts. MAX: Don't throw that out, I'm saving it for a science experiment! SAM: You bet, little buddy. VCR SAM: I bought that VCR at the supermarket! MAX: So you know it's a good one. SAM: Still smells like asparagus, though. Television First time: (Sam turns on the television. A copy of Emetics appears.) ANNOUNCER: Life troubling your digestion? Reality blocking your passages? Expel your troubles with "Emetics," the handbook for multi-colored happiness, and "seperate your bliss"! MAX: Hey, it's that personal color spectrum book! SAM: Self-help for the helplessly selfish. MAX: Perfect! I'll take two. (Sam turns the television off.) Second time: (Sam turns on the television. A copy of Emetics appears.) ANNOUNCER:'''Expel your troubles with "Emetics," the handbook for multi-colored happiness, and "seperate your bliss"! '''SAM: I think I've seen this. Third time: (Sam turns on the television. A copy of Emetics appears.) ANNOUNCER: Seperate your bliss! SAM: There sure are a lot of commercials on this channel. Coat hanger (Sam takes the coat hanger off the television.) SAM: Let me just fiddle with the reception, here. MAX: Put it back, Sam, put it back! (Sam puts it back.) '''SAM:' There, that fixed it. Open Window